single ladies
by Sea Native
Summary: Clare's out with Alli when she bumps into Eli, two years after their break-up. Love reunion in the making? Original story line just revised, changed and re-posted! M for later.
1. dangerously good lookin'

**A/N: Hi guys! I'm back. This is the same story as it was before with the exception of some inspiration, a new direction, and a lot of editing. This is chapter one and two of the initial draft edited and put together. I'm working on the rest of the chapters now and hopefully the story will turn into something that I'm more proud of. Please, give the story another chance. I'll be forever grateful! I hope you enjoy it, suggestions and whatnot are more than welcome. Thank you!**

The thing that I need to start remembering with Alli is that when she says she and Drew aren't going to break up anymore, she's often wrong. I let myself believe it because I know she believes it but I'm usually the one to suffer when they break up again. This most recent break up has sent her into a full on girls night kick. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that she didn't get depressed this time, but this is the fourth night in a row that we've gone out to clubs. I mean, I have school and a job. I can't handle this for much longer.

True to form, Alli went all out for this night, claiming it'd be the best one yet. She had bought both of us new outfits, full spa treatments and she did my hair and makeup. I don't like to feed into her materialistic form of coping but I had to admit, I looked hot. I was wearing a strapless red lace dress, with a sweetheart neckline. Over it, I had on a black studded leather jacket with these very gorgeous black lace heels. Alli gave me black smokey eyes and cherry red lipstick to match and, though it's not my usual look, I felt so good. Maybe this _would _be the best girls' night yet.

Hey, Alli was there to help me cope through my break-up, who am I to deny her the same treatment?

The girls' night thing is a part of this female empowerment kick. Since Alli broke up with Drew this time she's not wallowing. She says she's realized that women don't need men and she sure as hell does not need Drew. Thus, as we hopped out of the cab and walked the sidewalk towards the club, I had _Single Ladies_ playing on repeat in my head.

A couple more steps and we arrived at the doors of Lush. From what Alli told me, it is the hottest club in Toronto right now and I started to think it was true as I took in the unbelievably long line. The line wound around the corner and out of sight, I scanned it quickly, taking in the club-going population. I saw dozens of girls in tiny dresses and precariously tall heels and I thought, "What the hell are all these crazies thinking? It's freezing outside."

A cold gust of wind raised goose bumps on my exposed legs and I laughed to myself, thinking, "Gosh, I guess I'm just as crazy."

Alli let out a huff next to me and said, "The end of the line awaits!"

I turned on my heel to walk after her, away from the source of loud dance music when I heard a voice behind me.

"Clare?"

I turned toward the voice and realized it was the bouncer who'd called for me.

"Oh my gosh, KC? Is that you?"

He nods and gives me a toothy grin before opening his arms for a hug. I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around his-now very broad-shoulders. I revel in the warmth of him as his arms squeeze, quite tightly, around my waist. I pulled away to look at him from head to toe. He'd certainly buffed up since high school. We caught up briefly, me talking about university and my waitressing job and he told me about the exciting life that his bouncer job provides.

Alli joined in quickly, earning a fierce embrace of her own from KC.

After chatting quickly, he said, "You know, I never thought I'd see the day when Saint Clare would be going clubbing looking like, well, this" gesturing to my attire.

I blushed and Alli said, "Aren't I a miracle worker?"

He looked me up and down appreciatively and nodded at her. Thoroughly embarrassed I decided now would be a great time to make my exit.

"Well, Baby Bhandari, like you said, the end of the line awaits us. KC, we'll be back here in a few hours!" I took a few steps away with Alli in tow when KC grabbed my wrist.

"Not so fast. Anyone who looks like this," he gestured to my attire, "doesn't have to wait in line, Clare-bear." He said with a wink.

Before I could register the comment, a giggling Alli took my other hand and led me past KC towards the pulsing, bright club.

I smiled at KC and shouted, "thank you!" He mouthed "call me" but I pretended not to notice and didn't allow it to get in the way of his nice deed.

Alli lead me towards a large mahogany door and we were suddenly in the throng of one big party. In front of me I see her throw her head back and let out an exclamation of some sort but the pumping music is too loud for me to actually hear it. She turns to me and motions towards the bar. I nod and let her lead the way, weaving us through the crowd with our hands still entwined.

Once we reach the bar I've already become more excited about being here. Just making our way through the mass of people has brought my energy up.

I'm trying to flag down the, very cute, bartender when I notice that, next to me, Alli has flagged down a cute man of her own. I look at her and realize she's making her sex eyes and follow her gaze. My eyes land on a guy that looks much like Drew, simply a few inches taller. Ha, typical. Every guy she's even looked at in the last few nights resembles Drew.

As I watch, the guy motions at her to come over and join him. She smiles and her glance shifts to me, her eyes no longer flirty but pleading. She's coping, right? I smile and say, "Just go already!" She kisses my cheek and says, "text me if you need anything!" while she struts off to the other end of the bar.

Once alone I realize that I might as well get a drink to pass my time. I flag down the bartender and order myself a rum and coke. As I say it, true to my Saint Clare roots, I know I won't drink it but my Grandmother once told me that real ladies can handle men's drinks. So, whenever it's a social requirement to drink, I order a rum and coke.

As cute bartender places the drink in front of me, I try to pass him a ten dollar bill but he waves my hand away, simply saying, "It's covered, sweetie. Courtesy of that gentleman-" he turns his gaze to what is now an abandoned seat at the other end of the dark wood bar, and finishes with, "who seems to have run away."

I tell the bartender to thank the guy if he sees him again. I sit back on my stool and take a sip of my drink. It burns my throat all the way down. Yuck, how bitter.

I place the drink back down just as warm breath hits my neck and a sultry voice says, "Blue eyes, don't you know it's dangerous to look this good when you're alone at a bar?"

I swivel my seat to get a full view of a set of piercing green eyes and the body attached to them. Elijah Goldsworthy.

Instantaneously, I feel my heartbeat speed up and the heat rise in my cheeks. I glance him up and down quickly. Taking note of his fitted white dress shirt, with a black satin vest over top, complete with black skinny tie, tucked into a pair of black skinny jeans. His hair is shaggier than I've ever seen it- with a permanent sex hair quality. The smirk already sitting on his lips is enough to bring me out of my trance and fuel up a good response on my tongue.

"It's a risk I take wherever I go, Goldsworthy."

He chuckles quietly and appraises me up and down with dark eyes, before saying, "That's always been true, Edwards."

My mind is reeling trying to figure out how I should act with him. It's been so long, he hurt me so badly and, yet, he's acting like we haven't missed a beat. The cynical part of me notes that it might be the last time I ever see him so I decide I must make the most of this moment.

I run my eyes from the floor up his body and as our eyes meet, I mirror his smirk with my own and say, "Is it you that I have to thank for the drink?"

He places a hand on his chest and mocks in fake horror, "Are you accusing me of trying to corrupt a Saint with hard liquor?"

I take a sip of my drink and glance at Alli in the process. She's staring at me intently, completely ignoring tonight's Drew lookalike. My mind notes that she's watching because this is a **big** deal. This is Eli Goldsworthy, in Toronto, in this bar, within arms' length. Her one look makes me realize this is what girl's night out is all about. Being reckless, careless and stupid.

As this notion forms within me a very good dance song* begins blaring through the bar. The beat, the lights and the alcohol have provided all the courage I need.

I let out a cold chuckle and place my hand on his chest. "I was corrupted a long time ago, Goldsworthy."

With that I stood up from my stool and stepped around him, making sure to press my, scantily clad, chest against his. He turned with me, his eyes never leaving mine.

As the distance between us grew he reached for my wrist and said, "You're not running away from me, are you blue eyes?"

With a wink I slid my arm upwards placing my hand in his and nearly purred, "Never, Elijah, I'm just trying to thank you for the drink."

With that, I pulled him behind me into the hot, sweaty crowd of people, aiming for the middle of the dance floor.

When I finally found a small hole in the crowd of people I stopped short and turned on my heel to face him. He looked down at me with one of his eyebrows raised, his eyes curious, and a smirk playing at his lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought my hips flush with his before I started swaying them from side to side.

He took a few seconds to react, failing to hide the shock on his face. After just a few sways his hands found my hips and his waist started shifting with mine. We fell into a rhythm that swung with the music.

The movement of our bodies caused my dress to ride up on my hips and it almost caused me to lose my nerve. Grinding on someone who is practically a stranger is uncharacteristic for me. Add it to being this exposed in a very public place and my resolve waivered. I silently thanked God that it was so dark in here that no one really could've noticed my, now fairly, exposed thighs.

Though to my chagrin, Eli must've noticed because his eyes were now smouldering and clouded with lust. His hold on my hips grew a little tighter and I couldn't help but notice, as he rolled his hips forward ever so slightly, that his pants grew a little tighter too.

The one movement set free all of my cares. So what if I hadn't seen him in two years? So what if he left me? I hadn't been with anyone since Eli, since two years ago, and it felt so good to have him against me again. An urge began growing in my stomach, a little frenzy of nerves that caused me to retaliate and grind my hips in his direction.

The littlest moan escaped his lips at the surprise and, oh, it was a sound that could make my toes curl. His hands slid down to cradle my ass and this time he purposefully ground his hips forward into my core. I nearly threw my head back in ecstasy.

Normally I would never be taking part in this kind of a thing. For the past three girls nights this week, and every girls night since Alli and I have been legal, I've always sat at the bar alone or danced with Alli and Fi. Never did I ever think I'd be _this_ girl; _this _girl who is dry humping an ex in a revealing dress in the middle of a dance floor; _this_ girl who throws away her morals without a care in the world.

I guess Eli just makes me _this _girl.

I stared up into his green eyes and I knew that I was already losing my own game. His touch was too familiar, his scent was too intoxicating. I knew that I had already started falling and we had hardly exchanged more than a few sentences.

My fight or flight instincts slowly kicked in just then and I froze.

I can't drop everything and be this girl every time he's around, that nearly tore me to pieces the first time. I won't do it again. My heart cannot take too much recklessness before it threatens to give out on me again. To hell with girl's night, I need to protect myself.

Without looking into those emerald orbs I took my arms from around his neck and pushed lightly on his shoulders. I mumbled words of escape, something like, "I need to go." before pushing into the dense crowd again.

***the song that they danced to, in my mind, was Obsession by Sky Ferreira.**


	2. six weeks

**A/N:** **Okay! Thank you all for being understanding with me. I had some lovely positive reactions and I'm very grateful to anyone who simply took the time to read it. This is chapter two, it's more of a filler and hardly different than it originally was but it's a necessity! I have the next three chapters all ready to go, it just depends on when you guys would like them! **

I rushed through the crowd hoping with all I had that Eli wouldn't follow me. I didn't think my resolve was strong enough to face him again.

I made it to the bar frantically searching for Alli, in the spot I'd last seen her. Her former seat was now empty and there was an empty martini glass sat on the bar in front of it.

_Oh god_, I thought. _She must be dancing. _

Knowing Alli, like I do, I understand that she is upset, full of alcohol and on a dance floor with a guy. I can't wait for her to come down from that high. I need to leave now.

I continue my rapid shoving through the crowd, needing to reach fresh air.

After what seems like ages of walking against the flow of the crowd, I make it to the doors. As I burst into the cold night air, I ignore KC's curious shouts from behind me, needing to focus on texting Alli. I finish the text and shiver involuntarily; the dance floor had lifted beads of sweat all over my skin which were now being assaulted by the cold night air.

Stricken with fear, cold and heartache, the answer seems to be to keep moving. I need to warm up, I need to get away from Eli and all the horrible memories of the past.

My panic carries me quickly on my tall heels and I don't stop walking until I'd made it quite a ways down the block. The music had long since fallen out of earshot and the fresh air had worked to calm me. I stopped to collect myself.

I just walked away from Eli Goldsworthy. It felt like a good idea but now that I've had time to consider, what if it wasn't? What if that was fate giving me a last chance to say goodbye and I'd screwed it up?

_No. Stay strong, Clare._ _You know that he would've had to leave eventually. He can never stay with you forever. You did the right thing by leaving. You didn't get in too deep._

My mind knew reason but my heart was livid with me. It wanted me to go back to him, and it was pumping the urge through every vein in my body. Logically it made sense to get away before he could hurt me again but from the second I saw his green eyes my heart settled in to that familiar ache. I've never stopped loving him and my heart has no plans to quit in the near future.

I knew that sadness would soon overtake me; I had just minutes before it hit me like a wall. So I decided it'd be best to keep moving and get to the subway before I was overcome with grief. As I walked, I received a text back from Alli. This reply came quickly which makes me believe that tonight's Drew look-a-like was boring her.

I unlocked my iPhone in a hurry, looking for anything to take my mind off him. I texted Alli back the full story when a black car pulled up next to me. A black hearse, to be exact.

"Oh, blue eyes..." He said in a sing-song tone.

_Just ignore him._

I sped up my steps but the car kept up with ease. His tone quickly became serious. "Clare? Clare, please, tell me what I did. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just-look, I don't know what I was doing but please just talk to me. It doesn't have to be like this, I want to see you. You can't walk away from me now, it's killing me, blue eyes."

I stopped in my tracks. There was only one question I had.

"How long are you here for this time?" I said without turning to look at him.

Finally holding my attention he stopped the car and hopped out. He ran around the front end and came to a stop right in front of me. It took all of my courage to look him into the eyes and repeat myself.

"Eli. How long?"

He held my gaze for seconds longer before looking down and muttering, "Six weeks."

I gulped, audibly, hoping I'd misheard.

"Pardon?"

He finally looked up again to say, "Six weeks. They need me back in Iraq by October 1st."

**TBC.**


	3. a graduation gift

That's when it all came back to me. The memories flooded back and threatened to knock me clear off my feet. I'd heard similar words before.

*** flashback ***

Today is the day of Eli's graduation. Today is the day that I can no longer avoid the future. Eli will be leaving me in two days for university in New York.

The ceremony just ended and I couldn't have been more proud of him. He looked pretty hot, honestly, as he strutted across the stage toward Simpson, smirk and all.

I turn to my right, where Cece and Bullfrog stand, discussing Eli's first day of kindergarten.

"Bull," Cece says, with a laugh, "remember when he got home that day? He was so mad at us because we told him all the other kids would have mohawks, too."

Bullfrog barks out a great laugh right along with her. After the moment has past the memory has made them sombre, and made them realize that Eli will soon leave them, too. I can't help but let my own nostalgia set in. I begin thinking about our "first" days together. The memories of our first kiss, our first date, and others flood through my mind, but before I can let my memories take over, the crowd of people around us breaks and Eli, looking gorgeous as ever in his blue cap and gown, enters our small circle. It's almost embarrassing the way my heart still races when I see him. Cece engulfs him in a tight hug immediately.

"I'm so proud of you, baby boy! Oh my god, I can't believe how fast you've grown up."

Bullfrog steps closer and places a hand on Eli's arm, "Congrats, kid. We always knew you'd turn out just fine. Now Cec, give the boy a minute for his girl."

Reluctantly, Cece releases Eli from the hug. She places both hands on the sides of his face and looks into his eyes. "My boy," she says proudly, with a warm smile, and then she reaches for Bullfrog's extended hand. As they walk into the crowd he shouts, "See you at home, kid!"

Finally, Eli turns to me with open arms and I rush into his warm embrace. I have to stand on my tip toes but I manage to wrap both of my arms around his neck, while his wrap around my waist.

"Congratulations, Elijah. I always knew you'd do it." I say into his ear. I turn my head into his so I can place a kiss on his cheek. I loosen my hold on his neck, letting my hands fall easily over his shoulders, still remaining in his arms.

His warm green eyes meet mine, and he smirks. "Not without you, blue eyes. I wouldn't have made it without you."

There's a hint of sadness in his voice and I want to do everything I can to keep from hearing that tone again any sooner than I have to. I silently hope that my gift to him will allow me to put it off for a while longer.

I lean into his lips and pour my emotions into a kiss. Our lips move together in their familiar way and I let out a content sigh as we pull apart. He leans his forehead onto mine and looks into my eyes.

"I'm so proud of you, Eli." I say, again.

The genuine smile that he's wearing falls into a smirk and he says, "Will all that pride be enough for you to tell me what my gift is?"

I break the hold he has on me and start to back up from him.

With a smile I say, "I'll tell you if you can beat me to Morty!"

Since I had a head start, and the tiny advantage of knowing where Morty was parked, I knew I had it in the bag, even in heels.

Behind me Eli shouted, "It's on, Edwards!" as he sprinted through the crowd in a different direction. I giggled the whole way to Morty, thinking over my plan for the night.

When I made it there, with no sign of Eli, I crawled up on the hood and laid back, leaning on my elbows.

Minutes later, the sight of Eli made me giggle even more. He'd made it from the football field to the parking lot but was simply spinning in a confused circle because he couldn't spot the car. Before the ceremony, I'd dropped him off and then I'd parked Morty under a tree, mostly out of sight, having anticipated this little game ahead of time.

The parking lot was only occupied by cars and the two of us because all of his classmates and their families were still posing for pictures on the lawn. Consequently, when I shouted, "Hey, Goldsworthy! You looking for something?" he heard me right away and spun in my direction.

He smiled and jogged over to Morty. When he reached the car he climbed on top of the hood and crawled on top of me, towering over my body.

"You little devil. To trick me and then to tease me, by looking _this_ amazing laying across my chariot, on my big day, well, Edwards I think I'll have to teach you a lesson." He was muttering the last words against my lips and when he finished speaking I couldn't take it anymore. I secured my hands on his robe and pulled his lips down to meet mine.

*** earlier that day - still in flashback ***

Alli, Fiona and I were walking around the mall in the early morning looking for dresses for tonight. The plan was that after the boys' graduation we were going out for dinner and then to a party at Fi's. **(A/N: In this flashback, Fi, Alli and Clare are grade elevens and Drew, Adam and Eli are graduating. Also, Drew and Alli are still dating)**

Fiona and Alli had found dresses already but I knew mine needed to be absolutely perfect and I wouldn't settle for anything less. Alli and Fi were being incredibly patient with me and I loved them for it.

We walked into BCBG Max Azria, and I began wandering around. I spotted the perfect dress. It was strapless with a sweetheart neckline and a slim bodice top. The top half was pink lace and the bottom was this beautiful pastel pink chiffon. I knew it was _the_ dress.

Fi and Alli joined me just then and glanced at the dress over my shoulder. Fi gasped and Alli said, "What are you waiting for? Go try it on!"

I went into the change room and stripped my clothes off quickly in anticipation. I slid the dress over my head and zipped it up with my eyes closed. A deep breath in and I opened my eyes, taking in the dress in the mirror.

I squealed, quite loud actually, unable to contain my joy. It was perfect.

"Alli, Fi, get in here!"

The two of them must have been waiting outside the door because they burst in and took in the dress. Their faces broke into wide smiles.

"Clare Edwards, you are a total babe! Eli's heart is going to absolutely melt." Fiona said.

My face turned beet red, I'm sure, and I pushed them out of the change room, giggling. From the other side of the door Alli said, "There's no way you're leaving here without that dress, Saint Clare!"

After we left the store we were all buzzing now that I'd found my dress. As we headed toward the food court, Alli stopped short in front of Victoria's Secret. She and Fiona exchanged a look and then both walked in purposefully. Remotely embarrassed, I followed suit and, to my dismay, found them in the lingerie section surrounded by leather, lace and satin.

Alli was looking at corsets when she beckoned for me. I walked to where she stood and looked at what was in her hand.

A small smile spread across her face and she said, "Eli would love it, Clarebear." I couldn't believe that she thought I'd ever even wear something like that around Eli! He and I had never gone far enough for all of our clothes to be removed. I had morals and he respected them. It's just how we worked.

Though, a second glance at the outfit confirmed what she said. It was a small black creation, with a black lace corset top, which is met by a little black chiffon bottom from the midsection, down to the hips, meant to be paired with a black lace thong.

Admittedly, he'd definitely love it. Oh gosh, what am I doing? I can't believe I'm even considering it.

Fi walked over to where the two of us were. She and Alli stared at me while I bit down on my lip and stared at the lingerie.

Fiona spoke first and said something that would change my entire plans for the night, "Clare, Eli will love the BCBG dress, but he'll never forget this."

I decided that it wouldn't kill me to try it on. With a permanent blush on my cheeks, I lifted the hanger from the rack and headed for the fitting rooms.

Once inside, I put on the very skimpy black lace creation and was instantly embarrassed. I definitely do not have the body for this kind of thing. "Fi? Alli? This thing is ridiculous."

"Model it for us, Saint Clare!"

As I looked at myself in the mirror I saw my lips form a scowl, "Alli, are you crazy? I am NOT coming out in this." I shouted over the door.

Her voice now came from right outside my change room, "Then we're coming in!" And in they came.

Fiona wolf-whistled and Alli's face lit up as she said, "Clare Edwards, my sweet little church girl, you look very hot in black lace!"

Their compliments were convincing but I knew that I'd never have the chance to ever show it to Eli. I shared my concerns with them, "Guys, later we're going to the ceremony, then dinner, and then the party. Tomorrow, I have to help Eli finish packing and then we're spending time with his parents. Then on Sunday, he's leaving me. This is a silly idea because he'll never see it."

Their faces both dropped and I could see the sadness in their eyes. Adam and Drew decided to attend U of T so they could stay close to home, and their girlfriends. Neither of them was going through what I was.

Fiona's face suddenly registered an idea, "Clarebear, don't you see! You can have a sleepover tonight and wear this for him and give you both a very hot memory of your last night together."

Alli had begun nodding like a mad woman and she said, "Clare, the woman speaks the truth. We know that Eli wants to take the next step with you, and if you're ready, tonight would be the perfect time! Plus, you look drop dead gorgeous in that, so even if you don't buy it as a gift for Eli, we're still making you buy it. So, you might as well put it to use!"

With another glance in the mirror, my decision was made. Quietly, more to myself, I whispered, "Oh my god, I can't believe it. I'm going to have sex tonight."

**A/N: Okay! Thank you for all the positive feedback from the past few chapters-it means the world to me. Someone commented that they're sad this is another war story, I just want to quickly say that it's not too central around the idea of war and the life of a soldier. Stories like that really break my heart, it would take a major toll on me to write one. I'm going to focus more on what the EClare relationship goes through because of Eli's service-really more the aspect of the great distance between them, it won't be too battle focused at all.**

**Anyways, I hope the flashback was easy to follow. This scene also hasn't been changed much from its original state. The next chapter will continue this flashback, and the one after will be the big show you're all waiting for! Thanks for reading!**


	4. corrupting saint clare

**A/N: This chapter is a continuation of the same flashback! Enjoy and review!**

**Clare POV**

"Oh my gosh, my little Clare is all grown up!" Alli gushed. After we left Victoria's Secret we headed for the food court but, by this point, I was far too nervous to eat.

Fiona smiled brightly and said, "So Clare, have you thought of a plan?"

My stomach did a small flip and my face fell, "What do I need a plan for? Don't we just...do it?" _Oh heavens, why didn't anyone ever tell me there was planning involved!_

The two giggled at me, "Clare, I meant a plan for how you initiate it. After all, Eli doesn't know that you want this, you have to tell him somehow. Don't worry, the sex itself will come naturally, nothing to plan there."

I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself there was no reason to panic. _It's just you and Eli._

I looked up at the two of them and said, "Alright, so should I ask him if I can sleepover tonight?"

The three of us discussed options for about twenty more minutes and decided that tonight, I'd go with Eli to the party and then, in the sexiest way I could muster, tell him that I wanted us to leave early and go back to his house.

The prospect of it really frightened me because I'm never the one to initiate romance between the two of us but I know, in my heart, that I truly love Eli and I'm ready for this.

**Later, at Fiona's party**

As it turns out Eli really does love the BCBG dress. After we left the ceremony and headed for his house he told me about how beautiful I look and a heated make-out session took place. I had to stop him before he got excited enough to try to take my dress off; the plan would've gone to hell right then and there if he found the lace monstrosity I had on underneath.

We met up with Alli, Drew, Adam and Fi for a really fancy dinner and headed here, to Fiona's penthouse, afterwards. When the two of us arrived at her condo it didn't look much different than it usually did with the exception of a DJ, a dance floor, and a caterer. There was already a very large throng of people dancing in her living room, a very well stocked bar set up in the kitchen, and some incredibly happy couples stumbling upstairs. The decor hadn't changed at all but it was still above and beyond that of everyone else's homes.

I looked at Eli beside me and took in the sight of him. The suit that adorned him consisted of slim leg dress pants, an emerald green dress shirt, a thin black tie and a black jacket. It's not unusual to see him in a dress shirt or a blazer but there was a new glow to him that was incredibly sexy. He caught me staring at him and turned his head toward me.

Smirk in place he said, "May I have a dance, milady?"

I slipped my hand into his and pulled him onto the living room dance floor. There was a dance song playing so I backed up into Eli and wrapped his arms around my waist. We moved very close into each other's bodies and began swaying to the music.

Normally, I'm not this girl at all, the one who grinds up on a guy during a party, but there's something about Eli that makes me feel so comfortable and carefree. At this moment, I didn't care that there were tons of people around; it was only he and I moving together.

I felt his hot breath on my neck and heard his husky voice, in my ear, say, "Blue eyes, you're the most beautiful girl in this room."

I responded by grinding my hips into his core and saying, "You're not so bad yourself, Goldsworthy."

In one day I've purchased a crazy expensive dress and lingerie, taken the Lord's name in vain, grinded outright with a boy, and planned to lose my virginity with said boy. My, oh my, if my mother saw me now.

I suppose Eli liked this side of me though, because I could feel his arousal against me. I knew we shouldn't leave the party just yet, and I wasn't quite ready for our night to be at that point yet either, so I slowed us down and told him that I wanted to get a drink.

"Alright, blue eyes. I'm going to look for Adam. I'll meet you at the bar in a few minutes."

When I reached the bar I found Alli and Fiona sipping pretty coloured drinks. They both shrieked when they saw me and Fiona motioned for me to twirl for them. I complied and received even greater squeals.

"I knew those heels would look great on you!" Said Fi. The two pulled me closer conspiratorially.

"We saw you two gettin' pretty friendly on the dance floor, Clarebear," Alli whispered, "are you planning to leave soon?"

A blush rose into my cheeks and I said, "I don't want to make him miss his graduation party with his friends, so I'm going to give him a little more time. He went to find Adam just now. Speaking of, where is the prince?" I finished, looking at Fi.

She finished her drink in one gulp and began refilling it, "I'm not sure. I think he was playing pool with Drew. I think I'll interrupt soon and show him what I bought from Victoria's Secret." She responded with a laugh and a wink.

Gosh, how does it come so naturally for her to be this free with herself? Inwardly, I hoped that one day I'd be comfortable enough with Eli to have sex with him whenever I please, and furthermore, discuss it in such a light-hearted manner. My face must've shown my contemplation because she gave me a kind smile and said, "Don't be nervous, Clare. You love each other and that means when it happens all you'll feel is love."

I felt a little more at ease but I still didn't hesitate when Alli grabbed an empty glass and said, "Fi's right, but maybe you want a drink to steady those nerves?"

She made me a vodka and orange juice, promising that it would just give me a little confidence boost.I'd just taken my first sip as a pair of arms wrapped themselves around my waist. I inhaled the musty smell of Eli and sank into his arms.

"Alli! Are you trying to get my little saint drunk?"

Alli smiled at him and said, "No, no, I leave the Clare corruption to you, Dr. Doom."

I spun in his arms until I could face him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked up into his eyes. In a very innocent voice, that I usually reserve for church, I quietly said, "Are you going to corrupt me, Eli?" while staring into his eyes.

The outright sexual comment caught him off guard and caused a slight blush to creep into his cheeks.

A smirk slowly became visible and he said, "Damn right I am, blue eyes", before crashing his lips on mine.

Our kiss quickly elevated into a make out session and our friends did not hesitate to berate us for it.

"Guys, I'm trying to eat here!"  
"Look at Eli go!"  
"Clarebear, what if your Priest saw that!"

We separated for air, but still held each other close as we smiled over at the two other couples now assembled around the bar.

Eli smiled at them and said, "Come on, look at my beautiful girl. Can you blame me?"

A blush rose in my cheeks and I burrowed my face into Eli's chest. Thankfully, the five of them moved on to discussing high school memories so my embarrassment was passed over quickly.

Earlier at dinner, we'd asked the boys what their favourite day at Degrassi was. Drew's had something to do with a football championship, Adam's was the day he was elected student council president, and Eli said his was a secret. I hoped he'd bring it up in this conversation but the moment came and went.

Currently, they had moved on to discussing a couple that was hooking up in Declan's room.

"He'll be furious. Those sheets were a gift from Marc Jacobs." Fiona said, with a laugh. "Maybe I just won't tell him."

I giggled a little at the comment and scanned the faces of my friends. When I reached Alli she mouthed, "now," with kind eyes, inclining her head toward the door.

The timing was perfect as a slow song had just come on. I tugged on Eli's tie lightly to grab his attention. He looked down at me and knew what I wanted. The arm he had wrapped around my shoulders fell to my waist and he led me to the dance floor.

When we reached the middle of the floor he softly took my wrists and wrapped them around his neck. I pulled myself close to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. The passion from our interrupted kiss was still between us, as well as Eli's, ahem, excitement. I smiled privately; remotely proud of the effect I had on him. We swayed slowly together and it donned on me that I somehow had to make him realize what I wanted.

I lifted my head from his chest and started planting very light kisses under his jaw and along his neck, working my way up to his ear. The trail of kisses was starting to become more passionate and urgent. Eli must've felt it too because his hold on my hips had tightened and his breathing was coming out in quiet, short pants. His hands slid lower down my waist, just above my ass.

His lust filled voice flooded my mind as he gruffly whisper, "Blue eyes, as much as I'm loving it, you can't do this here. Pretty soon I won't be able to hold myself back."

Ah, perfect wording. Absentmindedly, I thanked God for my boy's impeccable statement; it made what I had to say that much less blush-enducing.

I stopped working on his neck, pulled back and looked into his eyes. A small blush rose in my cheeks as I gathered up all of courage and said, "I don't want you to hold back anything Eli. I want it all. Tonight, I want you."

**A/N: TBC!**


	5. do your worst

**A/N: Thank you for reading all of you! You're all absolutely wonderful. I just need to take a second to shout out to **somuchloveinherheart / Jade. **Jade, your comments are so freaking lovely, as are you. **

**Anyways, this is the big chapter you've all been waiting for! 5,000 words too, holy moly! I hope you enjoy it!**

**Eli's POV**

"I don't want you to hold back anything, Eli. I want it all. Tonight, I want you."

Ohmygodholyhellohmygod. I witness worry start to show itself among Clare's features, probably because I haven't verbally reacted yet, but I still can't bring myself to say anything. I'm absolutely speechless. My mind cannot fathom that this perfect angel of a girl just told me that she wants me. She wants to give me a precious gift of hers which she cherishes. Oh sweet lord God, I don't deserve this.

Clare's face is now completely full of worry and she quietly says, "Eli? Please say something."

My mind still isn't coherent enough to produce words. God dammit, I want her too. Of course I do. If she didn't know before, she must know now that my arousal, pressed between us, has dramatically grown since she finished her initial sentence.

I gaze into her eyes and then down at her perfect, slightly swollen, lips, parted in despair. Rather than even attempt to communicate my joy in words, I simply engulf her lips with mine.

I slip my arms around her waist and pull her closer to me. There wasn't much room between us before but now there is none and I'm absolutely certain she can feel my pulsing excitement.

I feel her relax in my arms and produce a small sigh against my lips. This provides the perfect opportunity for me to slip my tongue into her warm mouth. I skim along her top teeth and find her tongue. I wrestle it with mine until I'm out of breath, only then I simply move to her jaw, heading towards her ear. As I kiss her neck, she moans and I hold her ever-closer.

"I hope I've made myself clear about how much I absolutely adore that idea." I pant into her ear between kisses.

Her eyes slip shut and her neck falls back slightly as she lets out a heavy, throaty moan. "Oh God, Eli."

Hearing her take the Lord's name in vain and utter my name in the same breath, in her raspy, lust-laced voice almost throws me over the edge.

I slow my kisses down and say, "We've got to leave, Blue Eyes. I can't handle you having this much clothing on and I don't think you want me to tear your beautiful dress off right here."

She nods her agreement and unwraps her arms from around my neck. They never leave my body though, simply running down my shoulders and wrapping around my torso.

Inwardly, I'm overjoyed that she doesn't want to stop touching me because I feel the exact same way. I raise my arm from her hips and sling it around her shoulders. She bites her lip nervously and says, "Your house, then?"

I nod and say, "Your chariot awaits, m'lady." I try to keep my end of our usual banter up but, honestly, my hormones are making it incredibly difficult.

Once in Morty, Clare slides across the front seat, and wraps herself around my upper body. She runs her nails lightly down my torso, placing feather light kisses on my neck every so often.

I'm caught up in my mind, reliving our last hour together, and thinking of what she said. I still can't believe she wants to have sex tonight. I'm the happiest man alive but there's a nagging, unsure part of my mind. Something about this is making my feel queasy.

Clare just recently made it to the stage where she would let me take some clothing off and touch her, why now would she decide she's ready to go all the way? Is it because I'll be leaving in a couple of days?

I want to forget this realization. I want to focus on the girl that's running her fingers across my abs and muttering about how much she needs me but I can't. I can't do this with her, as much as my lower half wants to, unless I know she wants to for the right reasons.

"Baby?" I say.

She lets out a, "hm?" as her eyes flicker up to my face.

"Clare,..why now? What made you want to do this all of a sudden?"

She places her hands on my chest and uses them to push herself away from me a little. Oh, god no. Don't put distance between us, Clare. Not when I need you close.

She looks down at her hands in her lap and she says, "If I tell you, you can't laugh." in a very quiet voice.

I look at her and say, "Of course not. Please, tell me."

She's silent for a moment before she lets her reply out in a whisper, "I don't want you to forget me. I want this to be something you remember me by."

I mull this over in my mind. "Clare, I would never laugh at that. Quite the opposite, it makes me want to cry. You can't believe that I would leave and forget a single detail of you, virgin or not."

She looks up at me and her eyes reveal relief with a small hint of sadness. She looks down once more and, in the same small voice, says, "I mean, well, New York is so far, and I just-"

As she speaks I pull over to the side of the road. I cut her off and say, "Blue eyes, I remember absolutely everything about you. I will never forget all the conversations we've ever had, every time I've made you blush that rose-y red, all the times you've made my heart damn near stop, what you wore on our first date and absolutely everything else about you, Clare. I am so in love with you it frightens me sometimes. There is no way in hell putting distance between us would ever make me forget you."

As I say the words, I know how true they are. I realize how hard it'll be for me to keep myself together if my every thought, for the next god knows how long, is of her and I won't be able to hold her like I am. She'll invade my thoughts and forever evade my touch.

I also realize that the memorized details of her, that fill my every thought, will be what keep me together. I reach over to her and pull her into my arms; silently reminding myself to cherish the closeness because it could be a while before I'm able to hold her again.

With a deep breath and a few bottled sorrows, I say, "This night has been absolutely wonderful for me and I owe that to you. You look breathtakingly beautiful right now and I want to make love to you more than you can fathom but I want you to want it. I don't want you to think, for a second, that it's something you need to do. If you're not ready, I'll always wait for you."

When I finish speaking she looks up at me, through her dark lashes, and says, "Elijah, I love you so much. Please, I want to share this with you, I'm positive. I want us to make love tonight."

Her eyes are staring straight into mine, portraying unwavering honesty, confidence and, mostly, love. The same intense rush that I felt before hits my lower region and my heart all at once.

"You're perfect." I say, to the blue eyed girl in my arms, knowing that there isn't an ounce of dishonesty in that statement. I place a passionate kiss on her lips but pull away when a small moan escapes her.

She looks at me confused and I explain, "Clare, we're going to do this right. I'm not going to let you lose your virginity in Morty, on the side of the road." She laughs and cuddles into me once more.

My mind comes full circle back to when we first got in the car outside Fiona's house. I'm so incredibly excited thinking about what prospects my bedroom holds for our relationship. Mind abuzz, heart ablaze, stomach now calm, I can't believe I'm about to make love, for the first time, to the love of my life.

**Clare's POV**

After Eli's confession my heart is soaring. Once we started driving again, headed towards Eli's house, a few nerves start to creep in. Before I can doubt myself we're at his house and the night really begins. _Fuck it,_ I think, _I'm in love with this man and I'm ready to make love to him._

Eli takes my hand once we're inside and leads me upstairs. I take note of the fact that Cece and Bullfrog aren't home and silently thank God, though I don't think it would stop us if they were home.

Eli brings me to his bedroom, drops my hand and closes the door. His room is nearly spotless now; freed of all its clutter and memories, made sloppy only by Eli's teenage boy nature, not any sort of emotional distress. He scratches the back of his head and looks around the room, nervously almost.

I smile a little, delighted with the fact that even though he's experienced with sex, he's still nervous with me. I turn to him and take the step to close the gap between us and wrap my arms around his neck. My lips find his and I walk him backwards, pressing his back against the door.

He lets out a content sigh and wraps his arms around my waist. There's little time before we become very passionate in the kiss. It's fast, hot and heavy but I can feel the love seeping into every second. His tongue slowly licks along my bottom lip and I open my mouth to meet it with mine. I run my hands through his hair and his hold on my hips tightens.

My chest is rising and falling rapidly against Eli's, my breath coming out in pants. I pull away from our kiss to catch it and Eli's lips move down my neck. Oh gosh, I can never get used to the things Eli does with his tongue. It's unbelievable how good he can make me feel. This one thought takes me ages to complete because even my mind is overwhelmed with lust.

I tug at the ends of Eli's hair and pull him up to my lips. His hands begin to pull at the zipper of my dress as we kiss. I mutter, "Take it off," against his lips.

I've all but forgotten about the lingerie underneath until I feel Eli's hands discover the satin on my lower back and freeze. A wave of embarrassment hits me but all the adrenaline in my body prevents it from taking a toll on me. Eli removes his lips from mine and a smirk spreads across them. He watches as I pull my dress up and over my head and toss it onto his dresser.

He takes me in from head to toe. I can feel a blush nipping at the surface of my skin and it erupts when he says, "And people say _I'm_ the one corrupting _you_." The satin and lace prove to be too much for Eli, as Fi and Alli promised, because soon enough he's laying me down on his bed with even more urgency than before.

Eli looms over me and begins fiddling with his tie. His eager body isn't allowing his fingers to slow down enough to wrestle with the knot. I let out a giggle, sit up and start crawling toward him on my hands and knees.

"Let me help you with that, baby." I say, as seductively as I can.

Eli's hands pause as I kneel on the edge of the bed and slip my small hands over top. I loosen the knot and pull the tie over his head. My fingers run through his hair, down his shoulders, his abs and finally find his belt. Dipping just a little lower I graze my knuckles over the bulge in his pants and whisper, "I can help you with that, too."

Eli's cloudy green eyes meet mine a split second before his lips attack mine once more. I wrap my arms around his neck and allow him to lower me onto the bed once more. The sloppy sounds of our tongues wrestling mix with our breathy moans. My moans grow louder as Eli's hands reach down and squeeze my breasts through the lace bra of the lingerie.

I pull my mouth from his and lay my head back on the bed. "Oh, Elijah!" I moan.

He dips his head down and runs his tongue over one of my nipples through the lace. _Oh, god, I want him._

I grab Eli by the shoulders and roll us over so I'm on top. My legs are straddling his waist and I can feel his erection underneath me, close to my wet core. I put my fingers on the top button of his dress shirt and open it up, doing the same with each button and licking each bit of skin that comes into sight. Between licks I say, "How did I..let you..get away with..keeping your clothes on..for so long?"

Once his dress shirt is unbuttoned I put my hands under the shirt, on his shoulders and push it off. He sits up to remove his arms, and once he lays back down I lean down and kiss his neck. Curled up on top of Eli, hips straddling his waist, hands and lips on his neck, I am so happy. Even more joy hits me when Eli's hands squeeze my ass and he lets out very low groans.

"Oh, Clare, mm."

I kiss my way down his neck, across one collarbone, down his chest. I swirl my tongue around his nipples, across his hard abs and feel them contract under my lips. I lick a line straight across the skin above his belt and his hips buck upwards. I loosen his belt and unzip his pants.

My nerves hit me again as I realize that, from this point on, I'm in foreign territory. I'm helping Eli remove his dress pants and that'll leave just our bodies. It means that right now, I'll either have to give him a blowjob, which I've never done, or the big show will take place.

Sensing my hesitation, Eli, now wearing only his boxers, flipped us over and straddled me instead. He sat over me and said, "No, no, let me love you first."

From his position on top of me, Eli leans down and kisses me. Our mouths move together and his hands are squeezing and playing with my breasts. They move to the middle of my chest where the fastens of the corset lay. Slowly, I feel the tight material begin to loosen around my breasts, then the chiffon at my ribcage falls away too as he gently tugged the ribbon. He breaks our kiss and ogles my body, which is now only covered by a small black lace thong, causing my face to burn red.

He leans down to rest his forehead against mine. His lips meet mine ever so gently. He pulls back to whisper, "Oh my god. You're so beautiful, Clare."

One more kiss shared between us and he begins kissing down my body, licking and nipping at my newly exposed skin. He takes one of my breasts in his mouth and swirls his tongue around my nipple. I roll my head back and let a moan rise in my throat and spill out of my mouth.

He licks the valley between my breasts, kisses down my ribs, and swirls his tongue in my belly button, all the while keeping his emerald eyes fixed upon mine.

He gets to the waistband of my black lace thong and the little embers in my stomach burn hotter than ever. I can feel myself getting wetter with anticipation. He rolls the top of the thong down just slightly with his index fingers; exposing only a tiny bit of bare skin. With his eyes on mine, he licks a small line on this part of me and then pulls his lips back to blow cool air on it.

I swear, if anyone could make a girl burn up from the inside out.

Eli abandons his spot near my tender core and crawls up my body to place a kiss on my lips. I wrap my arms around his neck and I feel his hand glide under the waistband of my thong. He runs his thumb teasingly just along the waistband, that same bit of skin on my lower abdomen, never allowing it to dip lower.

As we kiss, tongues wrestling, he removes his hand completely and skims it down my panties slowly, continuing south, to the wet spot that lies there. His hand hovers over the aching spot and he whispers, "You're sure this is what you want?"

His thumb rubs my clit teasingly, only once, through the lace and I nearly shout, "Yes! I want this, Eli. So badly."

He presses his lips to mine roughly and his hand rubs my clit. I break our kiss to let out a raspy, "mmm, oh, Elijah!"

Eli's forehead is resting against the hollow of my throat and he raises his head to whisper into my ear. Still rubbing me over the panties, he says, "I want to hear you say that a whole lot louder, blue eyes."

The hormones have invaded every part of my body. Every atom of me aches for his touch; needs to feel him against me. My mind becomes aware that Eli's fingers are oh so close to the place I need them, he need just shift a tiny scrap of lace and I'm set. I hope he does it soon, otherwise the ball of flames in my stomach will surely supernova.

He stops the movements of his thumb, pulls his hand away and my body whines in response, missing the contact. He sits up and straddles me, sitting just below my knees. He leans forward and places a feather light kiss on the wet spot. My clit is surely visibly throbbing. After a few more soft kisses he looks up into my eyes and says, "Are you sure, Clare?"

I sit up slightly, a small smile spreads across my face. I look into his green eyes, clouded with lust and I take a moment to wonder how I got so lucky. As I give him a gentle nod my emotions are soaring and my body is nearly trembling in anticipation. Eli plants light kisses to each of my thighs before he pulls the thong down my legs.

He crawls back up my body, placing soft kisses here and there. Once he's within my reach I thread my fingers through his hair and pull him the rest of the distance up to my lips. He smiles into the kiss and his lower body shifts slightly, as he positions himself at my entrance.

He breaks our kiss and we lock eyes. Both of our chests are rising and falling rapidly. A few moments pass allowing our heart rates to slow and our breaths to calm.

"I love you." I whisper.

A small spreads across his face and he leans his forehead down on mine. "I love you with everything I have, Clare."

I place a soft chaste kiss on his lips.

"This is going to hurt at first, you know?"

His concern makes my heart swell, and the gravity of what we're about to do lands upon me and causes my pulse to race.

"I know. You're worth it." I say, with a little blush. He places his lips on mine and then it happens.

Eli's length makes its first contact with my entrance and I swear I can hear the chorus of angels in my head. I widen my legs, allowing him in. He slides inside of me and every atom of my body is alive.

It_ hurts_. I couldn't have anticipated it to feel like this. A few tears forced themselves through my tightly shut eyelids and rolled down my cheeks. Eli kisses them away, before placing a kiss on the tip of my nose and my lips. "I'm so sorry, Clare. I'm sorry it hurts."

The pain is still present but I become aware of a small whisper inside of my soul that feels complete. The missing part of me has been filled with Eli in the best way.

My body has gotten used to the intrusion and the hot and bothered feeling comes back full force. Eli's eyes were on mine intently and I as I open them, I can see the lust in his eyes. I whisper words we both wanted to hear, "Eli, I'm fine. Move, please."

Eli lifted his hips just slightly and slowly at first, pulling out of me a little and then sliding back in. This motion caused him to exhale loudly and say, "Oh my god, you feel so good."

His thrusts gained speed and each one fed the fire in my tummy. One particular thrust hit a spot deep inside of me and I was unable to hold back my scream, "OH, ELI!"

He smirked a little and used his arms to raise himself off of me. He thrust again faster this time, hitting the same spot. The bundle of nerves in my stomach frenzied at light speed and I craved more Eli, I wanted him closer to me. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him down toward me. I licked his lips while they sat in a smirk and they soon responded to mine with fervour.

I moved my legs from underneath him and wrapped them around his waist. His next thrust hit the same spot harder than ever and the bundle of nerves was growing stronger and hotter by the second. I wanted so much more of this.

"Fuck, Eli. Oh my God." I panted.

He started to push faster and harder into me. Our breathing became sporadic and more audible as his thrusts gained intensity.

"Oh, Clare. Mmm." Eli breathed into my ear.

The warm feeling inside of my stomach grew white hot each time Eli let out a husky grunt, or a moan. Finally, the heat built and built and I could feel it about to burst.

"I'm going to-Oh, Eli-I'm g-going to," I stuttered out just before the heat in my tummy exploded like a thousand suns. I saw white and felt more pleasure than I could've ever imagined as I came.

As Eli got closer and closer to his peak his thrusts were long, hard, and fast. "Fuck, fuck, oh my god." He said as his grip on my hips grew very tight and he came inside of me. He leaned down to kiss me as he continued to thrust slowly inside of me, riding out his orgasm.

Eli collapses on top of me before rolling over to lay at my side. He turns with me and his arm slips underneath my neck. I cuddle close to his chest and tangle my legs with his. His sheets sit around our hips; we don't need it because our embrace is full of sweat and warmth.

We lay silent for a while, staring at each other. A content smile sits on his lips and all I can see is adoration in his eyes. I'm sure I'm mirroring his expression.

For the first time in ages I have the strong, grounded feeling. The feeling that, for once, all things are good. My parents have found a working solution, I have the best friends I could ask for, and I am in love with the most perfect man in the world.

I hear Eli quietly breathe out, "Best grad gift, ever."

I wish there was a way to hold on to a moment forever. I wish I could keep the world exactly as it is in this very instant. I want Eli wrapped around me with lazy drooping emerald green eyes, a small smile on his lips, a flush on his cheeks, a little bit of sweat in his hairline, the smell of love on him and the feel of his steady heartbeat under my palm. He and I curled together on his soft sheets, under the warm blanket, that smells just like him, in his newly clean room with the moonlight across us. I want to get lost in his eyes, in this moment for as long as I possibly can.

As I'm watching him, admiring him, his eyes begin to droop, almost shut, when I whisper, "Please, don't fall asleep yet. Stay with me as long as you can."

Something in my words revives him, and his eyes open once again. I can recognize fatigue and love in eyes, but there's something else now. Alarm, fear, concern maybe.

When he speaks, it's nothing but a whisper and I can hear the pain in it. "Clare, you should know I can't stay forever."

My heart falters. If I'd been hooked up to a monitor, I'm sure that the reading would've shown a dramatic dip just then.

I want nothing more than to bask in our love, to feel his body and the gravity of what we've just shared wash over me. I don't want the real world assaulting me now. This conversation is the opposite of what I want. I don't want to think about him having to leave in a little more than 24 hours.

"Shh, shh, don't do this now. Let me have you for just a while. I can't lose you to the real world just yet." I say.

My eyes are still intent on his and I feel the shift. We're no longer together in comfortable silence, now. Even though we're so close, I feel miles from him and the past hour feels like an age-old memory. Eli gently removes his arm from under my neck and rolls onto his back. I'm still lying up against his side but he's got both arms folded under his head and is staring at the ceiling.

I feel so lost and confused. This is not how I planned for this night to end. Is it because I told him to stay with me? Does he think I'm trying to make him feel guilty for following his dreams?

"Eli, please talk to me. I didn't mean to upset you. I-I don't expect you to plan your life around me, that's not what I meant." I hear myself say, in a pleading whisper.

He exhales loudly and says, "Clare, none of this is your fault, I've done this to myself."

"What are you talking about, Eli?" I say.

He closes his eyes and says, "I'll never be able to stay with you, Clare. Please, don't think I don't _want_ to stay. I wish I could, more than anything, but I can't. I'll have to leave soon, even if neither of us wants me to. There's something you've got to know that I should have told you so long ago."

I have crashed. The euphoria our first time gave me has drained from my veins and my body is aching now. My heart is now making a conscientious effort to complete each beat. This is an end.

My voice has dropped below a whisper. I don't want to speak the words I have in mind. I don't want to make this situation real.

"What is it?"

A tear drips down Eli's cheek as he opens his eyes. He rolls on his side to face me again and I try to brace myself for what could come. A heaving sigh shakes his chest and he says, "Clare, I joined the army. I'm leaving for Iraq in two days."

***End of Flashback*  
Present day. Eli and Clare facing each other on the street.**

**Clare POV  
**My mind skims through the memories at light speed. Eli and I spent his last few days together. The thought of him moving to New York broke my heart but the thought of him as a soldier- putting his life on the line daily, never staying in one place for very long but always being so far from me-shattered it. I knew that it wouldn't be bearable, like New York would have been, because we couldn't text, email, or skype often, I wouldn't get to see him on holidays or surprise him with a visit. The day he left, we made love one final time, both of us promising that Eli's new fate would not change a single thing, but we both knew it was a parting idea. I never saw him after that day. I never stopped loving him; there hasn't been a single day where I don't miss him.

My mind considers all this in an instant. My heart is trembling under the weight of all the painful memories and all the love I've stored up over the past two years.

_Six weeks._ He has six weeks here. After that he'll have no choice but to leave; to go back to being thousands of miles away from communication and contact.

I've survived two years worth of heartache, it didn't kill me. Why not feed the flame?

The pain is unavoidable, yet, so is the answer.

_Fuck it._ I think, before I step forward, wrap my arms around Eli's neck and fiercely attack his lips. _Do your worst, heart. Right here is where I belong._

**A/N: I apologize-I didn't want their first time to be anything too dirty so it's a sort of PG-13/M hybrid. Review for the next chap? TBC.**


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